I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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