Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nutella sex= disaster
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
