Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Randomize
