i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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