Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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