do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
