But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
