And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
