So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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