i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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