if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
