Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
