At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
