dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
