If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
