if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
