sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
