I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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