He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
