I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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