I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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