Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
