Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Houston, we have a squirter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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