Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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