That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
