So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
