she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
