Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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