So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
