so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
