mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
