dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
