i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
