the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do vagina's smell?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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