We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
