I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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