I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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