I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
