guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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