Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
