My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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