I puked a lego.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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