You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
