in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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