Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
