your parents love me but you hate me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
