I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
