umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
