and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
