My friends, they love my intelligence
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
