Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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