you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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