So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
