wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i believe in u and ur pee
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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