I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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