i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
