I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
