Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
