I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
