5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
