and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
