she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we're making bets on your personal life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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