If that was your dad, he is hot
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so let's talk penis.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
