oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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