Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
