note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
