Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this will be a night to untag.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
