I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
