two words...techno handjob
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
