plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
