Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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