I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
