Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
