Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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