maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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