ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
