just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
