That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
