you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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