When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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