The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
