Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
