im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
