this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
