think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
