Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
