there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
