wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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